by Linda W. Arms, dated Feb. 23, 2018
After my brain injury, I went from wearing nice outfits chosen from my wardrobe to wearing a “uniform”. This change happened for many reasons. Making a decision about what to wear was more than my brain could deal with. Wearing an outfit was not something I could relate to any more. Even after nearly 12 years and great improvement, I still lean towards the uniform approach to dressing rather than making the effort to create an outfit for the day.
For so many of us with a brain injury, decision-making is challenging, even for little things. I preferred that others made decisions for me especially for anything that required a lot of thinking. Getting dressed for the day was challenging because I had to make decisions. Just think about some of those things you consider when you pick out what you are going to wear? Things like:
· What activity, event or occasion am I dressing for?
· Am I going to be inside or outdoors?
· What is the weather going to be?
· Does this color go with this?
· Where is it?
· Do these things fit together?
· And the list goes on…
This requires a lot of brain energy! It requires a lot of visual processing and sorting pieces of information to decide what to wear. If we have problems with balance or pain we have to be cautious in how we move. Sometimes, what we choose to put on, whether it is clothes, jewelry or shoes, the wardrobe items cause sensations or stimuli that we don’t want to deal with. We become quickly fatigued before we even go somewhere. This often causes our symptoms to get worse leading us on a downward spiral.
After my injury, I became quickly aware that I didn’t have the energy to make decisions about what I wore. I adopted a few simple pieces of clothing that I wore over and over again. I chose to wear a “uniform”. I didn’t have to decide. I didn’t care any more about making the best impression for myself. I didn’t care if I wore the same outfit the last time I saw this person.
I wanted to be comfortable instead of looking my very best for whatever I was going to be doing. I didn’t want to have to deal with whatever restrictions or problems I might have with what I was wearing. I wanted to make sure I wore flat shoes since my balance was off and I didn’t want to be challenged with walking and staying upright. I didn’t wear jewelry because my dexterity and visual processing wasn’t very good. I couldn’t easily manipulate small objects with clasps and other connections.
After my brain injury, I also lost many of the roles I played in my life. I didn’t have to wear the outfit appropriate to the role I was filling for the day. My old outfits did not fit the part any longer. I had been a professional but my career clothes were unnecessary. My career was no longer a part of my life. The fact that I would not be working in my profession became very clear to me early in my recovery. My career clothes were some of the first items I gave away. Not only did I not fit the role any longer but I also didn’t want to be reminded of that fact. It was painful to see those clothes that I had no use for and that I had once been proud of.
I was a social person who enjoyed nice dinners out. I was a woman who wanted to look nice. I was outdoorsy, and enjoyed hiking and skiing. I liked special occasions or events where you had an excuse to dress up. After the accident, my predominant role was an injured person trying to survive the day. I forgot about career, socializing, looking nice and interests in outdoor activities. All my other roles were gone and the few remaining took a secondary position in my life. I had some special pieces of jewelry that I no longer wore – I didn’t feel worthy to be wearing them. I was a sometimes childlike, sometimes old person-like, injured human being who could only deal with simple things. As a result, I adopted my uniform and put aside most of my other things.
Over the last years, I am much more capable and I try to be more creative with my wardrobe. I have the capacity again to want to wear different outfits and accessorize with jewelry and other things. Sometimes, however, when too much stress is in my life or I’m tired, I revert back to my uniform. It makes life so much easier!
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